I keep trying to write more often, but somehow I always get side-tracked, busy, or just plain tired. The last 3 to even 5 weeks have gone flying by. All of a sudden its Friday, when I get to hang out with my friends in Hamburg which I absolutely love, and then the weekends over, Monday starts again, and I'm anxious for the weekend so I can see my best friends here. Plus, going to school most of the day, then killing time before I go to bed goes faster than you'd think. It's like the days here are zooming past me, or I feel like I'm sitting in my most boring classes for hours during the school day.

I think it was a few weeks ago, or maybe just last week or so, but I went through this awful patch where I was alone a lot due to my host mom and brother both working (which I was okay with for the most part really - I have enough time to myself here, and I'm used to family members working, so it wasn't really the main part), and I don't know why, but I couldn't really focus on anything at home or at school, my brain couldn't or just wouldn't decide which language to think in and so I just had a really difficult time overall just trying to hold conversations in German that I normally could, and I don't know why, but I just felt awkward at times with my family (sometimes a little unwelcome), and things my brother did/does ate at me much more and faster than usual. I hated feeling that way; always tired, frustrated, low on patience, not wanting to talk to anyone, but doing it anyways to hopefully feel better (which it really didn't because those I could talk to didn't or wouldn't've understood, and the others I couldn't explain it to due to language barriers, but I'm not close enough really to someone special I could talk to here anyways, not that I particularly wanted to 'talk about my feelings' with anyone. On top of all of that, getting a rant from my biology teacher about 'why I'm here,' how my 'German isn't improving fast enough' and that the private lessons I'm taking 'aren't enough' for me (all talking to me in German like I couldn't speak at all in the middle of class), was less than welcome and enjoyable, and what could I do but sit there. That was awesome on top of everything else. Having to listen to someone tell me everything I've learned and all of my efforts over the last 4 months aren't good enough, and talking to me like she knew all about my exchange, why I was here, and exactly what I should be doing. Dealing with things alone or in my head is generally what I do, so I kept most of it quiet (about all that wasn't going great) because I really didn't want or need to create a big[ger] problem out of something somewhat small, and I didn't realize how frustrated and just upset I was until I finally Skyped my mom mainly, but also most of the rest of my family, and I could finally talk to someone I felt understood most of it, or just would listen, although dealing with my own problems is something I've gotten very good at, and will continue to do.
(It has never been a problem to go to my Rotary about, and if I needed or wanted to, I do have my host mom here, although none of it really came to that. It all sounds and feels slightly different writing it than it does when I think about it, or when it was all happening).

I'm still not fully over feeling like that, and some of the problems I was dealing with are still continuing, but that's what a Rotary Smile is for (thank you Bob and Phil), and I also just didn't want myself to go into this huge patch of homesickness I think I almost felt, because everything was just so frustrating and just wasn't feeling great, and of course I knew I would never feel that at home. Hanging out with my best friends here (the Exchange Students) is something that I absolutely love, and look forward to every week, and this past weekend it was the first I got to see them (our Hamburg-group) in over two weeks, and after being alone so much and just everything that happened, it was so great and just relieving to hang out and have fun with them, and it really did help to make me feel better too actually.

Going on right now is a type of carnival/festival called Hamburger Dom in the city Hamburg, and I got to go for the second time this past weekend when I was hanging out with the Exchange Students. My mom told me beforehand that the Hamburger Dom is "So wie Oktoberfest aber ohne die Bier," (like October Fest but without so much beer), which I definitely saw once I got there. So much was the same, so many stands, the Lebkuchen hearts, games and rides, but as my mom said, without typical beers or Brauhauses (or the Dirndls and Lederhosen), and definitely much smaller. We definitely had fun there though, and I'll hopefully be going back before the winter Dom ends.

'Hamburg' Riesenrad : 'Hamburg' Ferris Wheel

Ein paar der Austausch Schulern : A few of the Exchange Students

Me, Ariel (Taiwan), Aranza (Mexico), and Yuri (Brasil)